Be your own “dream boss” in 5 easy steps

5 min. read

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Have you ever had a ‘dream boss’?

I’m not talking about “the characteristics of great leadership” about which we can generally agree. This isn’t about that. This is about YOUR dream boss.

Perhaps this person set you up for success with clear deliverables and expectations; or perhaps they had a particularly great way of rewarding achievement that you found motivating.

Take a moment to close your eyes and think about the kind of environment this person created. How did it feel to work in that environment?

How did this person speak to you? How did they manage your workload?

How did this affect your mental and physical well-being? What was the effect on your work product?

Leaders like these are rare. Maybe you’ve never even HAD a boss that you would consider a “dream”.

Your Dream Boss does exist, however. And they will show up the moment you start practicing intentional self-leadership.

Intentional self-leadership is how you will become your own Dream Boss.

What is Self-Leadership?

The term “self-leadership” was first coined by Charles C. Manz in 1983. He later described it as follows:

[Self-leadership is] “…a comprehensive self-influence perspective that concerns leading oneself toward performance of naturally motivating tasks as well as managing oneself to do work that must be done but is not naturally motivating” (Manz, 1986).

you can improve your own self-leadership ability

Regardless of whether you work for yourself or someone else, you can improve your own self-leadership abiility with this simple 5-step exercise.

**WARNING: If you have a tendency to over-think, relax. This is an easy, no-fail exercise. Just follow each step in order (no jumping ahead!) and try your best to avoid judging your responses, okay?

A 5 Step exercise for becoming Your “dream Boss”

STEP 1: Create a list that includes all the characteristics of your “dream boss”.

This list can be as short or as long as you wish. It can be wildly unrealistic.

If you need help getting started, here are some examples from my own list…

Characteristics of my “dream boss”:

• Connects my work to the organization’s mission

• Keeps meetings focused and limits unnecessary emails

• Gives me a realistic budget for my professional development

Now, go ahead and make your list BEFORE you continue reading. Remember: don’t over-analyze or edit…just let if flow. (I’ll wait.)

Do you have your list? Okay, great! Proceed to Step 2.

STEP 2: Read your list, letting it sink in.

Close your eyes and let yourself imagine working for this Dream Boss you just described. Create scenarios…make a “movie” in your mind. How does it feel? Visualization is powerful.

When you’re done, take out a clean sheet of paper (or open a new document) to get ready for Step 3.

STEP 3: Transform each dream boss characteristic into an “I” statement.

Here are a couple of examples:

Dream Boss Characteristic #1: Respects my time by limiting uneccesary emails.

“I” statement #1: I respect my own time by limiting uneccessary emails.

Dream Boss Characteristic #2: Recognizes and rewards my accomplishments.

“I” statement #2: I recognize my accomplishments and reward myself for them.

Do this for each characteristic, combining characteristics as needed to keep it simple.

From this point forward, you will refer to this list of “I” statements as your “Critical Actions”.

When you’ve finished, go to Step 4.

STEP 4: Write, “I AM my dream boss” at the top of this page (above your Critical Actions).

If you need a reminder of who this “dream boss” person is, re-read your original list of dream boss charactistics, then repeat: I AM my dream boss.

STEP 5: Each morning, before you begin your workday, state to yourself: I AM my dream boss. Then take the critical actions to make it true.

KEY: The critical actions you take each day are what makes this statement true.

If your Dream Boss limits unnecessary emails, then YOU will create email filters that limit excessive ‘noise’. Dream Bosses don’t just encourage professional development, they fund it. Set aside funds (or time) specifically for your own continuous learning. Write your own mission statement then structure your activities around it.

This is how you create an optimal working environment that motivates, rewards and supports your unique strengths.

This is how you find balance and joy at work, while achieving your goals.

Be the Boss you deserve

If you are taking your Critical Actions each day, you are leading yourself in a way that is uniquely designed to ensure your own success.

Of course…the inverse is also true. Stay tuned for my next blog post on “toxic self-leadership”.

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References

Manz, C. C. (1986). Self-Leadership: Toward an Expanded Theory of Self-Influence Processes in Organizations. The Academy of Management Review, 11(3), 585–600. https://doi.org/10.2307/258312

5 Ways coaching can increase your earning potential

Link to original (published on TrainingPros website)

As an independent consultant or freelancer, there may have come a point where you felt isolated or stagnant in your career. You might have found that there are few opportunities to get unbiased feedback on your ideas, performance, and professional development.

A lack of support can lead to reduced productivity and a feeling of being “stuck.” That is where hiring a life coach can be beneficial and rewarding.

Coaches can help you improve your productivity and income. In this post, I will identify 5 ways you can utilize coaching to optimize your earning potential.

The Benefits of Coaching

The life coaching industry has exploded since its beginning stages in the 1990s and is now the second-fastest growing industry globally, and for a good reason. According to the International Coaching Federation, coaching offers many benefits such as “…80% of people who receive coaching report increased self-confidence, and over 70% benefit from improved work performance, relationships, and more effective communication skills.”

You may be thinking, “Sure, it would be nice to have more confidence and better relationships, but how does that impact my income?”

Many factors can affect a consultant’s ability to earn. For example, if a personal relationship is stealing your focus and hurting the quality of your work, your income will likely be impacted. Poor diet and a resultant lack of energy are also potential disruptions to achievement.

Everyone has their “off days.” One or two bad plays shouldn’t throw off your entire game, however. A continuous stream of negative self-talk, “an inner voice that provides a running monologue” on our lives, can prevent you from bouncing back from disappointment and really cut into your performance. Tame that inner critic with help from a Coach.

With consistency, you can train yourself to recognize self-defeating thoughts, challenge their truth, and replace them with affirmations that get you back in the game faster. And the faster you’re able to recover from setbacks, the quicker you can turn that negative experience into an opportunity.

A qualified coach will help you identify and address social, emotional, and/or mental obstacles and replace negative patterns of behavior with ones that will contribute to financial success. The type of coach you employ will depend on your specific goals and what you try to achieve.

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Coaching

Emotional intelligence (EQ) refers to an individual’s capacity for managing their own emotions and the emotions of others in a way that is both positive and productive. Unlike IQ which tends to remain static, emotional intelligence is a skill that can be improved upon through self-awareness and practice. If your EQ, or lack of it, is impacting your ability to effectively manage relationships, consider meeting with a Coach who specializes in this area.

Travis Bradberry, the co-author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0, found that people who scored high on emotional intelligence assessments made on average $29,000 more per year than those with low scores. Consequently, as EQ assessment scores improved, so did the individual’s salary…regardless of industry or location.

Research has demonstrated strong links between emotional intelligence and professional success. For example, a TalentSmart study found that, among 34 important workplace skills, emotional intelligence was the strongest predictor of performance, responsible for 58% of success in all types of jobs.

For consultants, in particular, the ability to build relationships is one of the most impactful skills necessary to business success. With the support of a qualified EQ coach, you can improve your emotional self-awareness, social awareness, and relationships management skills, thereby increasing your income-earning potential.

Wellness Coaching

Another that should not be overlooked when you are trying to take your career to the next level, is personal health and wellness. A wellness coach can help you enhance your mood, focus, and energy levels.

Nutrition, exercise, rest…they all play a part in our decision-making and problem-solving effectiveness. Meditation and time spent in nature have also improved creativity, an important skill for consultants.

Ray Dalio, a well-known money manager, and book author credits meditation as “…the biggest ingredient for whatever success I’ve had.” That’s a pretty strong endorsement from someone who founded the $130 billion hedge fund, Bridgewater Associates. And he’s not the only one. Many executives use meditation to increase their success and income due to meditation’s effect on clarity, emotional balance, and anxiety.

Is your productivity, and billing limited by an “afternoon slump?” Perhaps your food choices and overall activity are to blame. A wellness coach with certifications in nutrition and/or exercise science can help you boost those energy levels and reclaim those hours.

Life Coaching

Individuals who report a better work-life balance demonstrate increased productivity and the ability to work longer. If you are having trouble in this area, a life coach can help you maintain work/life boundaries and avoid burnout.

Finding that balance can be particularly difficult for consultants who often travel and experience tight deadlines requiring late nights and weekend work. While there is no one-size-fits-all approach to achieving work-life balance, a qualified coach can help you identify your boundaries and hold you accountable as you enforce these boundaries in your personal and professional relationships.

Career Coaching

Billionaire hedge fund manager and philanthropist, Paul Tudor Jones famously said, “You adapt, evolve, compete or die.” Upskilling is a word commonly used to refer to the act of learning new skills in order to remain marketable. A skilled Career Coach can help you plan your upskilling strategy and future-proof your career.

Advancements in technology are happening at a faster pace than ever before. As a consultant, if you’re not paying attention to new developments in technology and upgrading your skillset in response, you run the risk of losing clients to consultants who maintain an attitude of adaptability and openness to learning.

A qualified Career Coach can help you identify the most marketable skills in your particular area of practice and assist you in choosing the certifications or credentials that will get you the best return on your investment.

Avoiding the Imposter Syndrome

Imposter Syndrome refers to the belief that one is not as capable as others may believe him or her to be. Individuals with Imposter Syndrome may fear that they lack real talent and that they will eventually be exposed as “a fraud.”

Most consultants have experienced Imposter Syndrome at some point in their careers. As a result of these feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, many consultants will reduce their rates or bill a client for less time than what it actually took them to complete a project. Sound familiar?

Skilled coaches use a counseling tool called cognitive restructuring in which a client’s self-defeating thoughts and behaviors are identified and written down. The Coach and client together will then address the validity of each belief. Beliefs that are found to be “untrue” are replaced with statements that accurately reflect the individual’s capabilities.

As a result of these “restructuring” efforts on a client’s thinking process, the client is better able to assign an accurate value to the service they provide, thereby reclaiming the REAL value of their work product.

Final Thoughts

Hiring a coach requires an investment of both time and money. Depending on the expertise and qualifications of your coach, this investment can be significant.

When deciding whether or not it’s worth it to spend $1,000 or more on a package of coaching sessions, here are a few things to consider:

• If you could increase your hourly rate by $30 per hour, how long would it take you to recoup what you invested in coaching?

• What price would you put on work boundaries that give you more quality time with your kids and spouse?

• How much more could you bill that client if you knew how to use the latest version of a particular software?

I Dance on Paper

Last night, I spent the evening re-watching past episodes of So You Think You Can Dance on YouTube. Over the course of several hours, I cheered, clapped and even shed tears as I watched the contestants — ambitious, young dancers each with their own style — execute incredible feats of strength, ability and discipline. These dancers command their bodies and their bodies rise to the challenge. I am in awe of them.

If I were offered one wish, I know immediately what I would wish for.

“I want to dance.”

In my mind, I am already a magnificent dancer. My arms and legs move as I will them to. I express, I emote, I time my movements for maximum effect. If dance styles are like languages, I’m a polyglot. The Holy Spirit fills me and my body speaks in tongues. The audience comprehends it all.

In reality, my imagination and my limbs never had a good relationship. They just couldn’t seem to understand each other or function as a team. After multiple attempts to improve their relationship and make it work, they finally had to admit that it simply wasn’t meant to be.

Every once in a while, my body and my imaginary dancer will meet for drinks and catch up “for old time’s sake”. They retell stories and take turns playing their favorite records. And for a few hours they bask in each other’s admiring glow, wondering why they ever separated. But then the night ends and the bar closes. The alcohol wears off and they see each other in the cold light of morning. And then they remember.

It’s a shame, really. My lonely arms have stories they so desperately want to tell. My torso would lift and expose its heart to you, even its throat, if given the chance. My legs would elaborate, my feet en pointe. And you would hear me and understand.

(Sometimes, when I’m having a nightmare, I yell for help, but no sound comes out no matter how hard I try. It feels kind of like that.)

This morning, I was driving along, wishing for the millionth time that I could dance like those kids on TV, when a thought occurred to me.

I AM a dancer.

I dance on paper.

My words are my limbs, elongating into sentences. I can turn, hold a pose, then leap across the page. I will dance to the music of my life.

I am a dancer. And this makes me happy.

Flipping the script on the talent shortage discussion

Even if you don’t work in human resources, you are probably aware of the labor market’s current talent shortage. Companies are anxious to secure skilled labor, but many of the former tried-and-true tactics for doing so have lost traction since the pandemic turned our former ways of working upside down. In this article, I suggest a different way to approach the problem; an approach that doesn’t merely focus on demographics, compensation packages or the remote work issue.

I believe that the solution already exists. It’s merely lying dormant in the minds of your existing staff, waiting for its catalyst. Just as a fire cannot burn without oxygen, creative problem-solving cannot occur without certain foundational skills — adaptability, digital fluency, and resiliency — as catalysts necessary for “a reaction”. Provided the proper environment and resources, this reaction will occur in the form of innovative responses to this problem, AND the other problems that will arise as we adjust to this new world of work.

New problems require adaptive solutions.

In a recent McKinsey Global Institute report, Dondi, Klier, Panier, and Schubert (2021) identified 56 skills and attitudes associated with success in the workforce of the future. Among the top skills and attitudes, two — adaptability and coping with uncertainty — were particularly emphasized based on their positive correlation with both work satisfaction and employment. The authors define adaptability as, “The ability to be open to changing the way of doing things even if it requires effort or learning new skills”.

Advancements in automation and artificial intelligence mean that the future world of work will be characterized by rapid change and uncertainty. The most effective human resource professionals will serve as role models for self-development within their organization, thereby promoting a culture that supports adaptability through continuous learning and skill-building. Individuals who who can remain effective and agile in the face of ambiguity — using digital fluency and mental flexibility to solve problems as they arise — will be rewarded with more employment opportunities and higher income. Savvy HR professionals will adapt nimbly to new ways of working, including the creation of new occupations and the demise of others. They will assume responsibility for their own digital fluency, while adding value beyond the constraints of artificial intelligence (Dondi, et al, 2021).

Change is the only constant. One’s ability to adapt to those changes will determine your success in life.” — Benjamin Franklin

My personal advice to human resource professionals is this: Now is the time to invest in yourself through strategic up-skilling for your own benefit, now and in the future. To identify possible gaps in your skillset, begin by asking the following questions:

1. How am I adding value beyond what can be done through automation and machine intelligence (e.g., applicant tracking systems)?

2. What soft skills, if improved, would help me achieve my goals?

3. How do I react to ambiguous situations in which there is no clear protocol?

4. When facing change, do I see a barrier or an opportunity?

5. How can I improve my proficiency in digital environments?

You can’t change the ocean or the weather no matter how hard you try so it’s best to learn how to sail in all conditions. — Anonymous

When the storms of life threaten you, resilience will be your lifesaver. Fortunately for everyone, adaptability and resilience are skills that can be developed over time. Lean into opportunities to practice them.

Here are 3 actionable steps you can take to build adaptability, a positive view on change, and resilience.

1. Read books about resilience. My current favorite authors on the topic include Eric Greitens, Admiral William McRaven, and Ryan Holiday.

2. Join a related professional association and share inspiration with other members. Keep each other up-to-date on industry-related trends.

3. Take a course in data analytics, data visualization, AI, or cloud computing. Resources like LinkedIn Learning and Coursera have made skills acquisition, from absolute beginner to advanced, accessible to nearly everyone. (Acquiring a new skill is also a major “confidence-builder”!)

By developing adaptability, digital fluency, and inner resiliency skills, the innovative solutions to external problems will follow. To borrow the words of a flight attendant: “In case of an emergency, put your oxygen mask on first before assisting others.” Inhale opportunities to grow. Exhale your enhanced perspective, giving life and breath to the solutions for tomorrow.

Resource: Dondi, M., Klier, J., Panier, F., and Schubert, Jörg (25 June 2021). Defining the skills citizens will need in the future world of work. Retrieved on 9/2/21 from https://www.mckinsey.com/industries/public-and-social-sector/our-insights/defining-the-skills-citizens-will-need-in-the-future-world-of-work

Published on Medium

Feeling out of control? Stop struggling.

Pain x resistance = suffering, or so say the Buddhists. Twelve-step groups also advocate strongly for acceptance, citing it as “the answer to all…problems today” (Alcoholics Anonymous, 1939, p. 417). Even the ancient Stoics agreed that acceptance is the only way to face situations which are out of one’s control.

So, is acceptance of our current circumstance — whether it be isolation, unemployment, sickness or fear — really the cure to discomfort? Researchers in a 2008 study on pain and acceptance, found that when patients with fibromyalgia and arthritis struggled to retain “a pre-pain identity”, they could not accept their reality and that this refusal to accept their current reality prevented their successful adjustment to it. Upon completion of the study, participants admitted that they spent a long time searching for ways to eliminate the pain and that this struggle was “quite prolonged”. They also reported that acceptance had to be practiced, not once, but repeatedly. Once they did accept the pain as part of their life, however, the process of making peace began to commence and quality of life improved (Boudreaux, et al, 2008, 201–210).

Acceptance of a problem is often mistaken for “giving up”. This practice of giving in goes against the values of our culture, which tell us “You can do anything you set your mind to!”. Stories of people who “pushed through” or “rose above” are celebrated in our movies and books. Ceding defeat is viewed as a failure, and is NOT an option for our heroes who won their personal battles by fighting their circumstances and overcoming them.

Let me first point out that I’m not promoting complacency as a solution to one’s problems, nor am I trivializing the mental toughness that some goals require if they are to be realized. After all, some of our greatest achievements as humans came about because someone refused to give up. What this “Never give up!” mentality doesn’t address, however, are the personal costs associated with the pursuit of said endeavors, whether mental, physical, financial or spiritual. Consider, for example, the benefits of choosing not to struggle, such as the avoidance of further destruction (as in war) or the experience of peace reported by terminally ill patients after they decide to stop painful treatments as a way of meeting death on their own terms.

Perhaps there is an easier approach to the emotional and mental battles we are experiencing. Rather than fighting with our thoughts and feelings, what would happen if we simply accepted them without judging them as ‘good’ or ‘bad’?

Here’s how that process might look.

1. Person who has recently lost job thinks: “I’m worried about how long it will take me to find another one. This does not feel good to me.”

2. Person decides not to struggle with the feeling or change it, and sits with it instead.

3. What follows this practice may come as a surprise to you when applied.

4. You don’t die.

5. You continue to breathe.

6. You are still whole.

7. You are still you.

8. A sense of control returns.

You are the one making the decisions again by choosing not to struggle. The tightness in your chest begins to dissipate and the muscles in your face relax. The source of your pain is still there, you can see it, but its effect on you is more that of an irritating bug bite as opposed to a mortal wound.

Taking a deeper breath, you begin to realize that nothing has changed yet everything has changed. And if that is true, isn’t it also true in reverse?

Next time, you find yourself overwhelmed by emotion, try something different. Simply call the situation exactly what it is, at this moment. For instance, “I’m worried that no one has called me to interview for that I job I applied for. I accept that I am feeling worried.” Hard stop. Later on, you can reflect on the intensity of the painful thought and how long it lasted once you stopped fighting it.

One of my favorite authors, Anne Lamott, says that an excellent morning prayer is “Whatever”, and that a good night time prayer is “Oh well”. I would add that a good “anytime” response to your next problematic emotion might simply be, “Hm.”

References:

ANNELAMOTT. (2014, November 14). An excellent morning prayer…[tweet]. Retrieved from https://twitter.com/annelamott/status/529851155946287104?lang=en

Boudreau, A., LaChapelle, D. and Lavoie, S. (2008). The meaning and process of pain acceptance. Perceptions of women living with arthritis and fibromyalgia. Pain Research & Management, 13(3), 201–210. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed?term=%22Pain%20Res%20Manag%22[jour]

W., Bill. (1976). Alcoholics Anonymous : the story of how many thousands of men and women have recovered from alcoholism. New York :Alcoholics Anonymous World Services.